Hygienist or Harbinger of Doom?

I hate the dentist.  There are very few things in this life that I can say that I fully hate, but going to the dentist is one of them.  Some people just hate the scraping or the drilling but I hate all of it.  I had to go to the dentist yesterday and it was horrible.  Not because anything traumatic happened just because I so intensely dislike going to that place of torture and terror.  I have also come to the conclusion that it takes a certain type of person that would want to work by putting your fingers in someones  mouth for a living.  I don’t think that I would say that they like to hurt people they are just disconnected from reality and don’t realize that they are hurting people.  I was getting a procedure done that is not comfortable and the torturer kept asking me if I was alright.  I wanted to respond that no, I was not in fact alright, but because I am a man I just responded with a little shrug (a shrug was really all that I could muster because I was pinned to a chair by my mouth).  

The more that I reflect on my experience the more I realize that dentists ask you the most ridiculous questions ever. They say things like “does that hurt” or “how are you felling”.  I know that it is a question that must be asked but I wonder what they are really expecting.    Do they want some type of joyous response, “oh yes this is wonderful, having a half numb face is just delightful, I love drooling on myself”.  Dentists/Hygienists should ask questions better so that they do not sound like they are ignorant to the pain that they are causing.  Questions like “is the pain/annoyance that I am causing you about to make you throw up?” or “I know you want to punch me in the face but do you think that you can stand to be in the room with me for five more minutes?”  If these tooth witch doctors were to ask questions more rooted in reality I would not dislike them so.

I also think that I would place dentists in a special category with chiropractors and witch doctors because I am not sure if they actually do anything beneficial.  These maleficents say that they must remove the diabolical plaque from my teeth but the plaque is not bothering me one bit.  In fact, I think of the plaque as a little helper.  I never have pain in my mouth and that is because the helpful, friendly, little plaque friends wrap themselves around my cavities so that I feel no discomfort.  And what do these little helpers get for there work?  They are vilified and scraped out and discarded with extreme prejudice.   

After the agony is over the deviant dentists  always reprimand you for not brushing correctly and never flossing.  These evil friends of the devil always have that smug dentist look on their face like you are the biggest dummy ever from not flossing.  Next time this happens I am going to take a stand. I am going to stand on the nearest counter and declare aloud, “No! I do not floss.  And I do not intend to start either.  I will not have your artificial standards thrust upon me.  I do not feel that flossing is necessary and I will not live under your standard just because you are a dentist.  What do dentists know about teeth anyway?”  And I will finish off the whole diatribe with a Jerry Springeresque  ”You don’t know me”   

The dentist says that my teeth will fall out if I do not take care of them, but I just say that’s their opinion and that I feel differently about it.  Dentists don’t seem to be to open to other ways of thinking.  You would think that all those years of college would make them more open minded.  I guess postmodernity has not infiltrated the witch doctor schools yet.