Weird Paths….

April 17, 2009 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

I have spent a good portion of the day working on putting together my resume.  I am not going to need the resume for a while but some weird compulsion overtook me and I spent  a lot of time being retrospective. Here are a couple of the random conclusions that I have come to… 

My life has been a weird path.  I made a list of what I did and when I did it, and it is relatively amazing that I ended up where I am now.  It is not weird that I am in seminary but the way I got here just seems really weird to me.  It was almost five years ago that I left my first full time pastoral position.  At that point I basically swore off the ministry altogether, and completely changed the course that my life was on.  During that time in my life, if you would have told me that would be half way done with seminary and heading back into the ministry in just five years I would have told you that you were crazy. But,  lo and behold, here I am, in seminary and headed for pastoral ministry.  It is amazing what God can do in your life over five short years.

The other thing that I realized during my day of introspection is that I remember the great failures in my life far better than I remember the victories.  While attempting to fill out a  timeline for my life I had virtually no problems remembering the details of when, where and why I failed.  On the other hand, I had a difficult time remembering the circumstances that surrounded the victories of my life.  This is not a shock to me since I tend to be pretty self deprecating most of the time, but I was amazed at how fresh many of the failures still feel even though they happened so long ago. 

I am glad that my life has become what it is.  Even though I took a really weird path to get to where I am, looking back you can see God in it and for that I am very thankful.  Now if I can just figure out a way to get over my failures and get a hold of some victories I will be set.

Week Ten

March 10, 2009 in Uncategorized | 4 comments

Weeks nine and ten always kills my ability to blog. I am in the process of writing so many papers for school that the thought of blogging turns my stomach. I will leave you with this thought… 

I have decided that I hate elevators.  As a chubby man if I am seen getting off an elevator people will wrongly assume that I am fat/chubby because I am lazy.  ”If he would have used the stairs he may not be such an unsightly blot on humanity” these slendor types no doubt think.   This is a sad assumption but I would like to avoid it at all costs. Therefore I am never riding an elevator again.  I would rather be thought of as chubby because of my deep love for food and an almost complete inability to turn away any type of food.  So take that skinny judging jerks, I am not lazy I just have no self control.

On Being Pentecostal

February 11, 2009 in Theology | 4 comments

My relationship with Pentecostalism has been strained at times.  I grew up in the Lord in a pentecostal denomination and it was really the only type of church that I really knew.  The problem was, I did not feel particularly “pentecostal”, more like a Baptist that spoke in tongues.  Before coming to Fuller I was open to leaving it altogether and moving on to some other theological stream.  But after a few quarters at Fuller the unthinkable happened, I found my fleeting Pentecostalism being affirmed and my comfort within the movement began to grow.  Now I am in a place where I am actually proud to be pentecostal and have  decided that this is were I fit best theologically. 

One of the things that has helped me to arrive at this conclusion is a class that I am taking right now called Pentecostal and Charismatic History.  It is a good class  and I am learning a ton of random Pentecostal trivia that could come in useful at denominational events.  For instance, the communist government in Russia actually supported and used the pentecostal movement to undermine the Russian Orthodox Church.  This is not really a fact that is going to transform my life but it it fun to know.  

This class has helped me to understand why the things that are so important to my denomination are actually important things.  I have refrained from joining my particular denomination (as a pastor) for many years but getting this greater understanding of the denominations history removes my reticence to join, and even makes me a little excited to do so.   It is amazing how just getting to know a little bit about where people are coming from can easily remove obstacles that at one point seemed utterly unmovable.

friday morning mind dump

February 6, 2009 in Random | 3 comments

I love all sausage.  If I were forced to choose, and I think I am, I would have to say that Chorizo is the king of all sausages.  

I don’t understand how people can not like Disneyland.  I think all the people that don’t like Disneyland should be rounded up and moved to central Wyoming.  It would be really easy to avoid central Wyoming and that way all the disney haters could roam around being unhappy till they learn their lesson and allow themselves to love the magic of disney. 

It was raining today and everything got wet.  

Creep by Radiohead is not work appropriate. apparently.  

I think Californians might be allergic to the rain.  When it starts to rain they all run for cover like they are going to melt.  Witches melt in the rain.  All Californians must be witches. 

Simon and Garfunkel are the greatest duo of all time.  I dare you to think of any duo that even comes close.  If you think you can name one let me know and I look forward to telling you why you are wrong. 

In an attempt to blog more my blogs are becoming increasing random.  At the beginning of the last sentence I intended to apologize for this randomness, but I have since realized that I am not sorry and I enjoy being semi-random.

Erik blew my mind or Things that I recently decided I like.

February 4, 2009 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

Google Reader.  Pure Awesome.  When Erik told me about it I was skeptical, but then I tried it and now everything has changed.  All these blog posts just get delivered to you like you are the king of Idaho and the entire world is at your feet.  I can say that I have never experienced this height of luxury and I worry that I may never feel this level of excitement again. 

The Welcome Wagon.  Hymn Awesome.  This is a group that I bought a while ago but just started listening too.  it is really fun.  They do some really old hymns and cover songs in a folkish way and it is nice and pleasing to the ears as well as uplifting to the soul. 

Turning off the TV.  Productivity Awesome.  Apparently if you are not spending copious amounts of time watching TV you can do more productive things.  Since I have been watching less TV I have found much more productive things to do like… write pointless blogs…surf the interwebs… sit and be contemplative.  So maybe I am not more productive, but my time wasters are more varied, that is good right?

Friday Morning Mind Dump

January 30, 2009 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

This morning here is what I am thinking….. 

You can put practically anything in a burrito and it will be awesome.  

College students are the best thing in the world and everyone should be required to know at least 20.

My wife has been gone for most of the week and I am kind of out of sorts. I almost forgot to put pants on before I left the house.

I would like to walk to the end of a long road that goes nowhere just to turn around and come back.

Postmodernism is a sham.

I would really like to go to Mexico and just sit. 

I miss my brother. 

From very far away fried chicken and cookies smell the same. 

That is all. The end.

Hygienist or Harbinger of Doom?

January 15, 2009 in Uncategorized | 8 comments

I hate the dentist.  There are very few things in this life that I can say that I fully hate, but going to the dentist is one of them.  Some people just hate the scraping or the drilling but I hate all of it.  I had to go to the dentist yesterday and it was horrible.  Not because anything traumatic happened just because I so intensely dislike going to that place of torture and terror.  I have also come to the conclusion that it takes a certain type of person that would want to work by putting your fingers in someones  mouth for a living.  I don’t think that I would say that they like to hurt people they are just disconnected from reality and don’t realize that they are hurting people.  I was getting a procedure done that is not comfortable and the torturer kept asking me if I was alright.  I wanted to respond that no, I was not in fact alright, but because I am a man I just responded with a little shrug (a shrug was really all that I could muster because I was pinned to a chair by my mouth).  

The more that I reflect on my experience the more I realize that dentists ask you the most ridiculous questions ever. They say things like “does that hurt” or “how are you felling”.  I know that it is a question that must be asked but I wonder what they are really expecting.    Do they want some type of joyous response, “oh yes this is wonderful, having a half numb face is just delightful, I love drooling on myself”.  Dentists/Hygienists should ask questions better so that they do not sound like they are ignorant to the pain that they are causing.  Questions like “is the pain/annoyance that I am causing you about to make you throw up?” or “I know you want to punch me in the face but do you think that you can stand to be in the room with me for five more minutes?”  If these tooth witch doctors were to ask questions more rooted in reality I would not dislike them so.

I also think that I would place dentists in a special category with chiropractors and witch doctors because I am not sure if they actually do anything beneficial.  These maleficents say that they must remove the diabolical plaque from my teeth but the plaque is not bothering me one bit.  In fact, I think of the plaque as a little helper.  I never have pain in my mouth and that is because the helpful, friendly, little plaque friends wrap themselves around my cavities so that I feel no discomfort.  And what do these little helpers get for there work?  They are vilified and scraped out and discarded with extreme prejudice.   

After the agony is over the deviant dentists  always reprimand you for not brushing correctly and never flossing.  These evil friends of the devil always have that smug dentist look on their face like you are the biggest dummy ever from not flossing.  Next time this happens I am going to take a stand. I am going to stand on the nearest counter and declare aloud, “No! I do not floss.  And I do not intend to start either.  I will not have your artificial standards thrust upon me.  I do not feel that flossing is necessary and I will not live under your standard just because you are a dentist.  What do dentists know about teeth anyway?”  And I will finish off the whole diatribe with a Jerry Springeresque  ”You don’t know me”   

The dentist says that my teeth will fall out if I do not take care of them, but I just say that’s their opinion and that I feel differently about it.  Dentists don’t seem to be to open to other ways of thinking.  You would think that all those years of college would make them more open minded.  I guess postmodernity has not infiltrated the witch doctor schools yet.

Home?

January 7, 2009 in Random | 1 comment

I had every intention of writing a number of blogs over the Christmas break but I never really had much time to sit down and get my thoughts out.  These next few blogs may be even more random than normal because the trip home for the holidays gave me a lot to ponder and I will need to process my thoughts in blog form.   

Going home is always an exceptionally weird experience.  Last year for Christmas we went home and it was not that weird because we had only been gone for a couple months but this year when we went home we had been gone for a full year.  I spent a couple hours on one of the days that I was home and just drove around the old town and looked at things.  It was a fairly surreal/uncomfortable/awkward/unsettling experience.

It took me a while to figure out why driving around in a town that I had spent most of my life in was weird. At first I thought it was because things had changed, but then I realized that just the opposite that was true, things hadn’t changed and that is equally unsettling.  Being optimistic I tend to think that everything is in a constant state of getting better and because of this I tend to operate under the general assumption that the town that I left a year ago will somehow be better or at least improved.  So I go home with this subconscious expectation and for the most part everything is the same.  It is kind of weird. I thought that I found change weird, but in reality the weirdest thing is not having your expectations met.

Change

December 17, 2008 in Ministry, Theology | 2 comments

Change is a funny and amusing thing.  I used to think that I liked change, but the older I get the more I learn that I only like certain types of change.  I love the change in the seasons.  I appreciate a change in the scenery.  As I sit and contemplate the nature of change I realize that one commonality with all the changes  that I like is that they are all easily identifiable.  The leaves change and you know that fall is coming.  It is an obvious thing and there is not much room for debate.  I wish that change in my own life was this easy to observe.  

When you are held captive in your own brain you sometimes don’t realize that things are changing in you.  Sometimes this is a bad thing.   There have been times in my life where I hear words that come out of my mouth and I am shocked.  I am appalled at the evil that I am capable of speaking into the air.  I then wonder have I regressed in my relationship with the Lord?   How did I get to the point that I would ever say that? I would never have said that a couple years ago. 

 But every so often you notice a good change…   

I am pretty compulsive about getting good grades.  Compulsive might be a little to light of a term probably more like morbidly obsessed.  I was taking a class last quarter and the teacher gives us an option to turn papers in a week early and he gives us feedback and we can make changes to our papers before turning them in for a final grade.  Turning papers in early it is usually the difference between a B+ and A- or A- and A, which is not a huge difference but enough of one to make it worth my while.  In the two classes that I have had this professor I have taken advantage of this with ever single paper that I could.  I was working on the final paper for one of his classes on a Wednesday night and if I wanted to get the paper reviewed I had to have it finished by 11:59 p.m. the next night.  I was thinking about how much time I had over the next twenty-four hours and I could have easily gotten the paper done, but it would have come  at a cost.  Thursday nights are when Kelly and I lead a college home group at our church.  Thursday is the day that I do the majority of my preparation for group that night and so if I was to finish my paper I would not have been prepared for college group.

A year ago this would not have even been an issue.  I would have just blown off whatever ministry was holding me back and finish the paper.  I might have had an internal debate over which one to do but in the end I am sure that I would have chosen the paper over preparing for the group.  But on this particular Wednesday night there was no debate in my mind at all, I put off the paper and chose to prepare for the group instead.   Most of you reading this probably think that I am being totally stupid but to me this was a huge epiphany.   This to me was a sign that God is changing the direction of my life and He is doing it at a foundational level.  God did not just enable me to make a right decision, or empower me to stop doing something that is wrong, He is working to fundamentally change my desires and the things that I am striving for.  

I came to Fuller with a certain end goal in mind and the longer I am here I feel the Lord shifting my focus and moving me into to something else entirely.  It makes me realize that sometimes God uses things to move you to a certain place just so that he can change you heart and direction.  I think sometimes we hold so tightly to an old dream that we miss the great work that the Lord wants to do in us now.  I pray that I can be flexible enough to follow God down paths that I did not intend to go down, even if the means letting go of things that I have held for a long time.

School killed my brain

November 25, 2008 in Uncategorized | 11 comments

To my loyal readers I apologize that I have been unfaithful to my blog.

School has been so crazy lately that Ihave not had one blog worthy thought in the last three weeks.  The funny thing is in the last day I have gone from super busy to not having anything to do.  It is a weird feeling to say the least.  I have gotten so used to going a million miles a hour that when I finally slow down I do not know what to do.  So in this post i will write down all of the things that are going on in my head. 

The new Killers CD is good. 

I want a turkey sandwich now!

I want to pee outside. 

I have the best wife ever!

Nap. 

That is all I could think of. I am going to try to write a couple blogs over break so stay tuned….